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Literature Text
A certain pride and certain awe I see,
At times, your ardor all but has you gripped,
Yet not with love for your own child, or me,
But only for his newest manuscript.
Your verses are a gift from God himself,
Yet you dwell on those sentences amiss,
'Tis your novels that should be on the shelf,
But you treat each word as a crude, lewd kiss.
I'm writing this in hopes that you may know,
Finally understand what you ignore,
My veiled voice has long been pleading "Go..",
But 'tis I who must choose to stay no more.
Your words have chains and meaning thick as lead,
And chains will not release me once they're said.
At times, your ardor all but has you gripped,
Yet not with love for your own child, or me,
But only for his newest manuscript.
Your verses are a gift from God himself,
Yet you dwell on those sentences amiss,
'Tis your novels that should be on the shelf,
But you treat each word as a crude, lewd kiss.
I'm writing this in hopes that you may know,
Finally understand what you ignore,
My veiled voice has long been pleading "Go..",
But 'tis I who must choose to stay no more.
Your words have chains and meaning thick as lead,
And chains will not release me once they're said.
The second half of my submission to a contest held by #confessional-poetry. [link]
I chose not simply to rewrite my original piece, but in a way to continue the story, or at least reveal it from a different perspective.
I realize this opens up a gray area that wouldn't qualify this for entry in the contest, since the aim was to specifically rewrite the same original poem, and I have thought long about my decision and realized I had an opportunity to tell a story, and that to me was more important, so if this doesn't qualify for the contest I'm not terribly heartbroken about it. I feel it is a moving pair of poems.
The original was written in first-person by a narrator with an inferiority complex, a great obsession with producing something worthwhile, and great anxiety over a life without success. The second piece is a sonnet, written from the perspective of the original narrator's spouse, who cannot put up with his obsession, and leaves him. I tried to differ my styles a bit, but both pieces remain undeniably me, and I'm proud of them. Thanks for reading.
I chose not simply to rewrite my original piece, but in a way to continue the story, or at least reveal it from a different perspective.
I realize this opens up a gray area that wouldn't qualify this for entry in the contest, since the aim was to specifically rewrite the same original poem, and I have thought long about my decision and realized I had an opportunity to tell a story, and that to me was more important, so if this doesn't qualify for the contest I'm not terribly heartbroken about it. I feel it is a moving pair of poems.
The original was written in first-person by a narrator with an inferiority complex, a great obsession with producing something worthwhile, and great anxiety over a life without success. The second piece is a sonnet, written from the perspective of the original narrator's spouse, who cannot put up with his obsession, and leaves him. I tried to differ my styles a bit, but both pieces remain undeniably me, and I'm proud of them. Thanks for reading.
© 2013 - 2024 SedahLiah
Comments5
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As a writer with an inferiority complex who is going through relationship troubles (and I mean that seriously), I thought those were beautiful.
Thanks for creating them.
Thanks for creating them.